the end of the innocence...

well folks, this is the email i replied.

i think this is the first time in my life i have ever had this kind of honesty in a relationship, and even though it didn't end successfully, the lessons it taught i will carry with me forever.

i will settle for nothing less.

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Im glad you sent this letter.

You are an amazing woman, so please don't ever forget that. I know you will find someone awesome, who is kind, and treats you well.

I do not hate you. I was just disappointed that i hadn't heard from you and was wondering if this was your subtle avoidance ritual. I kept telling myself that you would at the very least return my call or email at some point, and that this was likely a terrible case of not being at the right place at the right time. as time went on, and i couldn't get you at all, I started to worry about you and whether you were OK.

i agree that the time we spent together was wonderful, and i have no regrets. vegas will always have a special place in my heart. so many great memories that i will remember fondly, and I will always watch the wizard of oz with a sparkle in my eye. denny's, whore houses, the eiffel tower, 'ew York and beers in a can. the list is long my friend! :)

i think we both deserve a huge pat on the back for taking a shot at love, by ignoring the risks and letting the fun be the guide. that trip was entirely out of character for me, but there was something just leading me there. i knew i had to take a shot. i have come home to a much better space and a new frame of mind, something i have you to thank for. i feel that i have learned so much about myself from my trip to california, and i am glad that i got to share that experience with someone entirely different and new. i know what i want in a relationship, and what i am able to give to someone.

i am imagining how difficult it was for you to write this, and i certainly don't blame you for taking "the easy way out". this conversation would have been a little sad, (and you know i'm a crier), and you would have heard some hurt in my voice, but know that what you hear is coming strictly from my emotional being and not my logical being. you know how great you are, so of course to lose you would be really sad. but to never have met you would have been worse. because i got to have an awesome experience with someone really amazing. i choose to reflect only on the good times, because they really were our finest hours. footloose and fancy free (while remaining hydrated)!

i hope you don't think it is weird that i am replying to your email ~ i just felt bad about the way things went down, and wanted to make sure that you were OK. i am glad that you had the courage enough to write to me. i wrote this letter for two reasons... first, your email to me was kind, considerate, and deserving of a response. i don't want you to ever wonder if i took it terribly and hated you forever. this is not the case. from time to time i may just email you (don't worry, i'm not a spammer), or send you a postcard from somewhere. second, i want you to know that i am not sad, hurt, or mad in any way, shape, or form. from start to finish, this is by far the most "adult" relationship i've ever had (in 33 years!!). it felt really good to be honest and not be afraid to say things to you. so for that i am thankful.

i learned so much, and you still RULE (don't forget that)

jen

ps: so sorry, but you might be getting mail for some time still... i think the last one i sent was this past friday!!! i told you, i am an excellent postcard sender!